(Above: The Rezillos, Gugug, Marvin)

Who among us hasn’t thrilled to these words?

“Further modulation of the frequency rotation triggered waveband activation - near elation”

It’s The Rezillos, of course - Scotland’s greatest contribution to human culture, and probably the hardest rocking geology students of the immediate post punk period. They were blessed not only with a fine sense of what trashy punk/pop should be, but with Fay Fife, a rock goddess among rock godesses.

I was reminded of it when I noticed that Gugug, my favourite lo-fi ukulele and melodica group and kings of the punk cover version, had done their own take on Destination Venus. That led me to start searching for other covers, thinking that surely dozens of bands must have done the same. But… no. I did make a happy discovery in the form of the band Marvin (from Montpellier in France, to distinguish them from a number of other bands called Marvin). They do a pleasantly noxious blend of noise rock, metal power chording and cheesy synth bleeps - and they do a fine version of Destination Venus with completely distorted vocoder vocal - in fact, I suggest that you listen to one of the other versions first so you can work out which parts are the “vocals” with Marvin.

I hear 50s styled space rockers Man or Astroman did a cover too, but I couldn’t dig it up. I’m not too fussed, as while I like the idea of Man or Astroman, I could never quite get behind their sound. Perhaps I just need persuading…

YouTube links:

Rezillos:

Gugug:

Marvin:

Someone has very kindly compiled a list of the best cover versions of Beatles songs to appear on The Muppet Show here.

Bless them.

A new(ish) covers blog, Same Old Tune shows a new video of a cover version approximately every day. Not only is it nice to see Sinead O’Connor singing Abba’s ‘Chiquititia’, it’s even better to see her washing the dishes while she sings it.

Bedazzled have put up a number of covers of post-apocalyptic folk-rock weirdie “Morning Dew”, so go and be nice to your ears.

It’s been covered by a lot more than The Greatful Dead - 22 according to us.

Is it overdoing it to have another post about a nonexistent song? I hope not, because there’s one more after this…

I’ve had Rudyard Kipling’s “Ford of Kabul RIver” stuck in my head for ages. It’s not his best known, it’s far from his worst, and it shows him at his best - earthy and evocative without some of the more embarassing imperialist moralising. It does feature his annoying transcriptions of dialect, but as George Orwell pointed out, his poetry is much better if you forget about dropping the ‘h’s and just read it in your own voice. Here’s a couple of stanzas:

KABUL town’s by Kabul river -
Blow the bugle, draw the sword -
There I lef ‘my mate for ever,
Wet an’ drippin’ by the ford.
Ford, ford, ford o’ Kabul river,
Ford o’ Kabul river in the dark!
There’s the river up and brimmin’, an’ there’s
‘arf a squadron swimmin’
Cross the ford o’ Kabul river in the dark.

Kabul town’s a blasted place -
Blow the bugle, draw the sword -
‘Strewth I shan’t forget ‘is face
Wet an’ drippin’ by the ford!
Ford, ford, ford o’ Kabul river,
Ford o’ Kabul river in the dark!
Keep the crossing-stakes beside you, an’ they
will surely guide you
‘Cross the ford of Kabul river in the dark.

(there’s more, and you can find it on the net)

And here’s my problem. I can hear The Pogues singing it in my head, and they’re brilliant. It’s pretty early Pogues, so I’m hearing the Shane McGowan who sang Billy’s Bones or The Sick Bed of Cuchulain - in other words, something from the “Rum Sodomy and the Lash” period. It’s fast and hard, with lots of fife and drum, a rousing chorus that McGowan practically spits out, and that peculiar mixture of compassion and malicious satisfaction that “Billy’s Bones” (and I guess “The Gentleman Soldier”) show. It’s the Pogues - and Shane McGowan - at the very peak of their powers.

And it doesn’t exist in this world. Nor, given the terrible damage that alcohol has done to Shane McGowan, can it ever exist.

Notes:

• any advice on how to obtain nonexistent music would be appreciated. I do not have my own time machine, but would take excellent care of one if loaned to me.
• Illustration of soldier is by Hugo Pratt, from an illustrated album of Kipling’s “Barrack Room Ballads” from Vertige Graphic